May 2013
shutupmerlin:
My grandmother grew up in this tiny village in Barbados, and she was the only kid in the village to have a cricket bat. She used to play with all the boys, but then they started stealing the bat every time she bought it out of the house and saying that she couldn’t play because girls shouldn’t play sport. So one day she invited them to come play cricket, then set fire to the bat...
imagine-dragonlords:
thewayweride:
If you’re lesbian and you fall for a guy FINE If you’re gay and you fall for a woman FINE If you’re bisexual and you have a preference for girls FINE If you’re bisexual and you have a preference for guys FINE If you’re pansexual and have a preference FINE What’s not fine is telling someone they can’t love another person because it doesn’t fit into the...
my-name-is-hilarious:
theyahoostaff:
yourfriendthecrow:
I don’t know bout y’all, but the Yahoo staff are fucking HILARIOUS
We are not fucking HILARIOUS
HILARIOUS COME HERE AND TELL THEM THAT WE ARE NOT FUCKING
theyahoostaff and i are just friends gOD
2 tags
“To live in fear is not to live at all.”
– Mary Alice Young, Desperate Housewives
thecompanionsdoctor:
thecompanionsdoctor:
Whenever my friend says goodnight to me on Skype he sends me this gif
and I wanted to send it to him tonight so I went to Google “black man turning off lamp” but Google autofill changed it to “black man turning into jet” and I got this
Long story short it’s 1am and I’ve been laughing at this for approximately 20 years
Which one of you assholes...
tomatolovers:
tomatolovers:
so my mom gave me all these ballons
my mom also wakes up at 4am half asleep to go to pee without turning the lights on
i woke up with all the balloons on top of me and a note saying ‘next time i will pee on your bed’
SHE SAID SHE ALMOST PEED HERSELF TRYING TO GET IN ALDKF
11 tags
isurvivedthekobayashimaru:
I was at walmart the other day, and I was sitting on a bench waiting for my mom to pay, and I was braiding my hair because that’s something I do when I’m bored, and this dude walks by and says, “hey baby, what else can you do with your hands?” I gave him my most polite smile and said in the sweetest way possible, “strangle you.”
And I think I actually scared him...
Oxycodone, muscle relaxers, ibuprofen…not quite as much fun as the other night but at least I’m starting to get past the itching from my antibiotic. Since my pain level’s higher, the oxy isn’t making me loopy, which kinda sucks. It sucks on the more pain level and the not loopy level. So I’m like totally coherent for discomfort. :( Oh well.
emilioestevez:
story time
so about 7 months ago, my girlfriend at the time asked me to move in. so i did and we lived together for roughly 6 weeks. she asked me to move out until i was mature enough to live with a girl because in those 6 weeks i drew a dick on her face while she was sleeping 11 times.
fuckyeahalternativecurves:
satan-5-ever:
blinkpond:
hobbitsandlocks:
hobbitsandlocks:
I told my mom about tumblr helping people get their dream pets and she told me I should jump on the bandwagon
She said if this post get 200,000 notes, I can get a teddy bear hamster like this one
guys my old hamster died of a stroke and I really miss him so please help me get my dream pet k...
tomlinshawty:
apparently harry called everyone in the crowd tonight ‘his juliets’ and it seems someoneee did not pay attention in 9th grade english bc he just entered into a suicide pact with 17,000 teenage girls oops
cornchipz:
awkwardcontent:
Fun fact: Humans are deuterostomes, which means that when they develop in the womb the anus forms before any other opening. Which basically means at one point you were nothing but an asshole.
some people never develop beyond this stage
